A not-entirely-serious ranking of the best workshop tools

1. Hammer

Ah, the tool that needs no explanation. Nobody ever picked up a hammer and didn't know what to do with it. You hit stuff with it, it's brutally effective at what it does and we love it for that reason. But dont get us wrong, the hammer is a deeply nuanced, multi-dimensional tool with plenty of applications. Can't get something to work properly? Hit it. Need something to budge that won't move for love nor money? Smack it. Frustrated with life and the way things are going? Hit something. What other workshop tool can offer that range? Not one. That's why the hammer has a well-deserved place on this list and at the top, where it should be. 

2. Allen/Key keys

The most important thing about hex keys is to have lots of them. As many sets as you possibly can. This is because you'll spend at minimum 50% of your time in the workshop dropping them and subsequently trying to figure out where the stupid things went. If you have five sets, you can leave the waiting until the fifth on has hit the floor and only search then, giving you more time between time spent crawling around the floor and significantly maximising working time. That's a marginal gain, right there. It also means that when you round one out with some less-than-careful torquing, you have four more left.

3. Ascending spanner set

Have you ever used these? No, us neither. But they're a vital addition to your tool wall because it makes you look serious. They're like the tool equivalent of shrink wrapping your Di2 wires and brake housing together; you dont do it because you need to, you do it because people look at you and assume you know what you're doing. There's nothing more awe-inspiring than walking into a workshop that's stuffed to bursting with all manner of tools and thinking 'man, I don't know what half of these do, this guy must be serious.' Guess what? He doesn't know what most of them do either, but it's psychological warfare. 

4. Any tool that you don't use any more

Remember that crown race puller you bought that one time? Yep, it was expensive, you only used it once and now it's sitting there under the workbunch gathering dust. You can't sell it because nobody would be mad enough to buy it (and you know this, deep down) so you stubbornly keep it. Anyway, redundant tools are the sign of a proper mechanic, one who was doing it long before 'only buying what you need' became cool. Also, you can't throw it away, because that would be an admission of failure. 

5. Every single bottom bracket tool

You can't control what type of BB the next bike you buy will use, and nor should you have to. Simply buy all the tools and then you have them if you need them. What do you mean you dont think you'll ever use BBRight...

6. Three or more track pumps

Any proper cyclist or mechanic should constantly be on the look out for something that's better than the something they already have. We're not saying you're not a proper cyclist if you haven't been through a whole plethora of track pumps desperately trying to find one with a head that works better than the last, but you're absolutely not a proper cyclist if you haven't been through multiple of track pumps trying to find one that works better than the last. Once you have that brand new pump that will definitely be the last track pump you'll ever buy the other become 'spares' and by that we mean completely redundant workshop filler because let's be honest, braking a pump is pretty hard.

7. Many tyre levers, none of which match

 Whether they've snapped, you lost them on a ride, you lost them after a ride or you just salvage ones that other people have lost, it's pretty much an impossibility to keep a matching set of tyre levers together for more than about a week. Not that owning matching tyre levers makes them work better, mind you, but it would have been nice to not end up buying about five sets just to have enough to change one tyre...

But seriously...

Of course, if you want some actual practical advice on what tools you need and how to start a home workshop you should probably ask the brilliant folks at Park Tool. They have one of the most helpful YouTube channels around with loads of handy tutorials on how to fix common issues with your bike. They also make some of the very best bike tools available. Please don't listen to anything we've said on this page. Except the bit about the hammer.

Oh, sorry, especially the bit about the hammer...